I had my first official ultrasound last Friday, Feb 22nd. It was at the Utah fertility center because my OB won't start seeing me until I am closer to 7 weeks. And my first ultrasound was set for just before or at week 6 (depending on who you talk to about dates). Anyway, I made the long drive to the clinic and was all ready to go. I wasn't worried about not being pregnant because I had two positive home pregnancy tests and a blood test to confirm. I was more curious to see if there would be one or two. I thought about it and decided I was fine with whatever, just that there needs to be at least one healthy baby.
I got in to my appointment pretty quickly and was all ready to go. I ended up with my newer ultrasound tech but they actually had a new one do the ultrasound. She had a hard time at first and couldn't see anything. She and the other girl looked around for a while and weren't saying anything. I started to panic! I was worried that they couldn't see anything because there wasn't anything. Or that it was bad news. I finally had to ask them what was going on. They finally told me that there was a "shadow" and they were having a hard time locating the embryos. The more experienced girl finally took over and located a "yolk sac". She turned the screen so I could watch what she was looking at and take photos. I noticed the picture was not clear at all and commented on this. I was really frustrated that they seemed to have inferior equipment. You would think that a clinic that specializes in fertility needs would have a super sonic awesome ultrasound machine (especially since it was an internal ultrasound and they were not gentle with that wand) but instead it was fuzzy and hard to read. She was able to see the "yolk sac" and showed me that it does have a "fetal pole or stem" inside of it. It was super tiny and hard to see but I finally saw what she saw. It was basically a black circle-ish shape with a tiny grey thing inside it. She measured it and said it measured at 5 weeks 5 days. She wasn't able to find a heart beat but said that it normal and some fetus (feti?) won't show a heart beat until week 7. She felt confident it was fine and told me not to worry about it. Then she did some more looking (and digging around) and located a second yolk sac. This one was much smaller and she could not see any grey material inside it. She said that there is a chance it may not become anything but there is also a chance that it could catch up and grow later. She talked about how most twins have one that develops slower and smaller than the other. I snapped a couple pics and they printed off a few for me as well. I did my blood work and then started the long drive home.
My blood work ended up showing that my estrogen and progesterone levels are perfect so I will continue with the same meds. My second HCG level was 5,095. I checked the surro website and saw that number is right in the middle of either a singleton or twins. And everyone seems to have different types of numbers.
I also talked with the IM later. She had spoken with the clinic. They were being realistic and said not to get our hopes up until she have a positive heart beat. They agreed we should monitor the large one but felt that the small one most likely won't grow. That kind of made me sad because while having twins would be hard on the family, I also don't want to give up on Squishie. I guess we will have to wait and see what happens.
The next step is another ultrasound this Friday. This one is with my OB. I am hoping their equipment is so much better, And I am crossing my fingers for heart beats. Plural. ;)
As far as pregnancy, I feel pretty good. I still get tired easy and have the occasional heartburn. Tums has become my friend and I have bottles everywhere. The best thing I do for being tired is sleep. I am usually in bed by 9:30 pm every night. Which is weird for me because usually I am up til 11 trying to get stuff done around the house and have some quiet time. I have also found I don't have as much energy and want to just sit around and rest. I guess I should enjoy it while I can because I plan to start exercising again once they clear me. And I know exercise will help me feel better and have more energy. I also can't wait to take a bath. I may just sit in one for about two days straight.
I have had a few cravings but I am not sure I can blame them on the pregnancy. I craved lasagna one day and made it. This last weekend it was beef stew. I have noticed that red meat (cooked) and pickles taste so good. Not necessarily mixed together but I may have to try that now. I like pickles anyway but I do remember craving and and eating a lot of pickles when I was pregnant before. Shall we do an early prediction there is a boy?? I have not been feeling nauseous or sick at all. I never had to worry about that and haven't had any so far this time. Thank goodness. I also haven't feel overly emotional. I do get overwhelmed with everything going on but I think that is part of this process and experience. There is a lot more stress and pressure this time around. But nothing I can't handle. I do cry about weird commercials on TV but I have always been that way.
Everything else seems to be going well.
Home and work are good. I have been updating my kid about everything. He was a little sad about maybe not having both embryos work out. But then he understood that sometimes things don't always work out. He thought about it for a minute and then said that if only one works out, we will nickname is "oh Grandma" instead of either P. Shirley or Squishie. He felt that was fair. Sometimes I wish I could crawl in his head and figure out what he is thinking sometimes.
I started my new job last week. It is still doing therapy but at a facility and has a lot of perks. No more going out to homes to see people, no being exposed to unsafe environments, no late nights. I am grateful this opportunity came up when it did. I haven't told them about the pregnancy yet and am not sure how I will bring it up. I guess I will wait until the time is right. I am sure they will be supportive of it.
I am not sure what else to say for this week. And I am tired and ready for bed. Post comments if you have any particular comments and I will answer them. And keep those heartbeat fingers crossed for Friday. :)
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
I forgot- blame it on pregnancy brain
I downloaded this free app on my phone from What to Expect When You are Expecting. It is free and lets you see weekly notes about my body changing and the growth of the baby. It also gives daily advice to help the pregnancy go well, like tips on eating and healthy habits. Feel free to download and follow along with me if you want. Or I will try to update the info on here. Today I am 4 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Just put that info into the settings and it should work. I did a conception day of January 26th. I think that is right but may have to change after I meet with my OB. It put the due date around October 19th. Jared's birthday is the 17th but he said he is okay with the baby or babies coming around that time. He is willing to share with them.
The app said that this week is about the baby forming a heart tube and neural tube. They are rough organs that help it survive and start forming and perfecting the actual organs that it will need. It is roughly the size of an orange seed. I am not sure I have even seen an orange with seeds so I am not sure what size that is. It does resemble a tadpole and is a round body with a little tail.
Jared is doing well with everything going on. He talked with my tummy once but hasn't wanted to since then. He did ask the other day if both embryos will become babies. I told him there is a chance that one or both of them may not be strong enough to survive. He thought about it for a minute and then said that he is sure P. Shirley will survive because she is the strongest one. I thought that was cute. He also asked about us being able to name the babies for real. I reminded him that we are just helping to make the babies and that the parents have to name them. He asked if he could suggest some names and I told him that I would let the parents know what he thought. He decided he likes Pidge (named after our friend's dog) and "Oh, Grandma". I pointed out that it would be weird to name a kid Grandma because other kids would get confused. He agreed and decided to take that name off the list. He is so weird.
I forgot to mention that I have started losing my memory already I am forgetting to do the smallest and simplest things. And the other day I drove 15 minutes past the Utah clinic because I was zoned out. Luckily I snapped back to it and got to my appt on time.
And I think there is something else I wanted to write but I can't remember right now.
The app said that this week is about the baby forming a heart tube and neural tube. They are rough organs that help it survive and start forming and perfecting the actual organs that it will need. It is roughly the size of an orange seed. I am not sure I have even seen an orange with seeds so I am not sure what size that is. It does resemble a tadpole and is a round body with a little tail.
Jared is doing well with everything going on. He talked with my tummy once but hasn't wanted to since then. He did ask the other day if both embryos will become babies. I told him there is a chance that one or both of them may not be strong enough to survive. He thought about it for a minute and then said that he is sure P. Shirley will survive because she is the strongest one. I thought that was cute. He also asked about us being able to name the babies for real. I reminded him that we are just helping to make the babies and that the parents have to name them. He asked if he could suggest some names and I told him that I would let the parents know what he thought. He decided he likes Pidge (named after our friend's dog) and "Oh, Grandma". I pointed out that it would be weird to name a kid Grandma because other kids would get confused. He agreed and decided to take that name off the list. He is so weird.
I forgot to mention that I have started losing my memory already I am forgetting to do the smallest and simplest things. And the other day I drove 15 minutes past the Utah clinic because I was zoned out. Luckily I snapped back to it and got to my appt on time.
And I think there is something else I wanted to write but I can't remember right now.
The official results are in....
So, I will admit that I totally could not wait for the blood test. I broke down and took a home pregnancy test on day 5. And it was negative. I didn't cry but I definitely panicked. I texted the surro director and she told me that it was way too soon to test. She told me to stop and wait for at least day 7. And she warned me that home pregnancy tests may be negative but the blood test could still be positive. I really appreciated her pep talk. I truly trust that she knows what she is talking about. She has been in the surro business for a long time. I threw that test away and decided to just wait.
And then day 7 came and it was killing me to not know. I thought about it all day long. And I thought about it, and thought about it. It was all I could think about all day. I had a couple friends text and ask if I had taken a test yet. I thought it was cute they were keeping track and knew it was day 7, and a HPT (home pregnancy test) was possible. But then I felt pressured. I decided I would just wait and be patient. And then I got home that night and couldn't stand it anymore. And I justified to myself that I had bought a 2-pack of tests and it was silly to not use the last one. I did some self-talk for a long time, convincing myself that I should take the test and know. That it would most likely be negative and that was okay. That the blood test would be the final answer. And then I finally took the test. I was so nervous that I almost dropped the testing strip in the toilet. But I didn't, thank goodness. And then I waited. I timed it and it took about a minute before the results showed up. Pregnant. I read the directions again and they said to wait the full three minutes. So I did. I don't know why but I kind of expected the test to change from pregnant to not pregnant. The three minutes were over and I just kept staring. And staring. And then it hit me. And I started bawling. Like tears streaming down the face and sobbing, bawling. It wasn't about being sad or scared or any of those negative emotions. It was all about that it had actually worked and it was actually happening. I was pregnant and going to provide a family with the kid or kids they wanted. I had to do some more self-talk to remind myself that this wasn't the final answer and I still needed to be patient. Then I thought about texting the IPs to hint that I took a test and they needed to know. But they had already told me they wanted to wait and I knew I needed to respect that. So I called my good friend Tara and told her. She cheered and was so excited with me. I didn't get to talk long but she encouraged me to keep thinking positive. I hung up and took the dog for a walk, just to get some fresh air and compose myself. I ended up walking around the neighborhood with tears streaming down my cheeks the whole way. I don't even know why. I kept thinking about how great and exciting this whole adventure was going to be. And I blame the pregnancy hormones.
I talked with the surro director and told her about the positive test. She also reassured me and said she had good feelings about it being for real and sticking. She asked me about the sensitivity of the test and I had no idea what she meant. She explained that every pregnancy test has a different sensitivity threshold and it is better to take one with less sensitivity so it is shows that I am really pregnant. I got to thinking about it and decided I needed to take another one, just for good measure. The next day I ended up in the pregnancy test section of the pharmacy, checking and reading every box. And by every box, I mean every box. I even thought about opening some of them up but knew they would frown on that so I got the one that the surro director recommended. And then I took it home and put it on the bathroom counter. I decided to wait for day 9 before I took it again. Just to make sure.
And on day 9 it was positive. And it was positive right away, like within 10 seconds. And it was a very dark line. I finally accepted at that point that we are pregnant. And it felt good.
My beta test was yesterday. I was super anxious for the results and got super impatient about it. I pretended to hyperventilate at one point just to try and get them to hurry with the results. The receptionist at the Cali clinic was so nice and agreed to rush the results once they came in and have someone call us right away. And then I called the Utah clinic and left a bitchy message so they would hurry and send the results.
The nurse called me a little after 2 my time with the results. My day 11 beta was 275. Higher than the 100 they were looking for and a very healthy number. She told me to continue on all the same meds for the next 4 and a half weeks. I also am scheduling the first ultrasound for next Friday. They are hoping the ultrasound will show us the heart beat and whether there are one or two in there. That will be day 1 of week 6. Then I will have another beta blood check the following week and an ultrasound on week 7 and 8. If that all goes well, then I can stop meds and it will be considered a "normal" pregnancy.
How do I feel? Ecstatic, excited, happy, peaceful. I feel amazing. It is truly hard to describe but imagine that you are doing something so amazing to help someone else and yet you feel you are the lucky one that is benefiting. That kind of describes it. Physically I feel pretty normal. I was really tired last week and just wanted to lay down all the time. I don't know if that is because I got used to bed rest or if my body was responding to the pregnancy process. I knew I was pregnancy by Wednesday because I got horrible heartburn. I haven't had heartburn since I was pregnant with Jared. I knew it had to mean something. This week I feel much better. I am not quite so tired but I still have occasional bouts of heartburn. But a little Tums and it is gone right away.
I haven't had any real cravings yet. I did get the weirdest thought the other day about cupcakes sounding good. But I didn't want them enough to make any or go buy any. And then I craved chocolate chip cookies on Sunday. I had the ingredients for a half batch so my lovely friend helped me make some. And they were delicious. But after a couple I was done. Since then it has just been normal me, eating mostly healthy and sneaking a treat here and there. I have noticed that I feel hungry but can only eat a little before I feel stuffed and just want to stop eating. That is different but probably just my body regulating how much I eat. I think I might have lost a pound or two since the transfer but I am not worried about it because the meds sure made me gain a lot.
I am not sure what else to write for now so I will just update as I feel like it. Or because someone bugs me to update. :)
And then day 7 came and it was killing me to not know. I thought about it all day long. And I thought about it, and thought about it. It was all I could think about all day. I had a couple friends text and ask if I had taken a test yet. I thought it was cute they were keeping track and knew it was day 7, and a HPT (home pregnancy test) was possible. But then I felt pressured. I decided I would just wait and be patient. And then I got home that night and couldn't stand it anymore. And I justified to myself that I had bought a 2-pack of tests and it was silly to not use the last one. I did some self-talk for a long time, convincing myself that I should take the test and know. That it would most likely be negative and that was okay. That the blood test would be the final answer. And then I finally took the test. I was so nervous that I almost dropped the testing strip in the toilet. But I didn't, thank goodness. And then I waited. I timed it and it took about a minute before the results showed up. Pregnant. I read the directions again and they said to wait the full three minutes. So I did. I don't know why but I kind of expected the test to change from pregnant to not pregnant. The three minutes were over and I just kept staring. And staring. And then it hit me. And I started bawling. Like tears streaming down the face and sobbing, bawling. It wasn't about being sad or scared or any of those negative emotions. It was all about that it had actually worked and it was actually happening. I was pregnant and going to provide a family with the kid or kids they wanted. I had to do some more self-talk to remind myself that this wasn't the final answer and I still needed to be patient. Then I thought about texting the IPs to hint that I took a test and they needed to know. But they had already told me they wanted to wait and I knew I needed to respect that. So I called my good friend Tara and told her. She cheered and was so excited with me. I didn't get to talk long but she encouraged me to keep thinking positive. I hung up and took the dog for a walk, just to get some fresh air and compose myself. I ended up walking around the neighborhood with tears streaming down my cheeks the whole way. I don't even know why. I kept thinking about how great and exciting this whole adventure was going to be. And I blame the pregnancy hormones.
I talked with the surro director and told her about the positive test. She also reassured me and said she had good feelings about it being for real and sticking. She asked me about the sensitivity of the test and I had no idea what she meant. She explained that every pregnancy test has a different sensitivity threshold and it is better to take one with less sensitivity so it is shows that I am really pregnant. I got to thinking about it and decided I needed to take another one, just for good measure. The next day I ended up in the pregnancy test section of the pharmacy, checking and reading every box. And by every box, I mean every box. I even thought about opening some of them up but knew they would frown on that so I got the one that the surro director recommended. And then I took it home and put it on the bathroom counter. I decided to wait for day 9 before I took it again. Just to make sure.
And on day 9 it was positive. And it was positive right away, like within 10 seconds. And it was a very dark line. I finally accepted at that point that we are pregnant. And it felt good.
My beta test was yesterday. I was super anxious for the results and got super impatient about it. I pretended to hyperventilate at one point just to try and get them to hurry with the results. The receptionist at the Cali clinic was so nice and agreed to rush the results once they came in and have someone call us right away. And then I called the Utah clinic and left a bitchy message so they would hurry and send the results.
The nurse called me a little after 2 my time with the results. My day 11 beta was 275. Higher than the 100 they were looking for and a very healthy number. She told me to continue on all the same meds for the next 4 and a half weeks. I also am scheduling the first ultrasound for next Friday. They are hoping the ultrasound will show us the heart beat and whether there are one or two in there. That will be day 1 of week 6. Then I will have another beta blood check the following week and an ultrasound on week 7 and 8. If that all goes well, then I can stop meds and it will be considered a "normal" pregnancy.
How do I feel? Ecstatic, excited, happy, peaceful. I feel amazing. It is truly hard to describe but imagine that you are doing something so amazing to help someone else and yet you feel you are the lucky one that is benefiting. That kind of describes it. Physically I feel pretty normal. I was really tired last week and just wanted to lay down all the time. I don't know if that is because I got used to bed rest or if my body was responding to the pregnancy process. I knew I was pregnancy by Wednesday because I got horrible heartburn. I haven't had heartburn since I was pregnant with Jared. I knew it had to mean something. This week I feel much better. I am not quite so tired but I still have occasional bouts of heartburn. But a little Tums and it is gone right away.
I haven't had any real cravings yet. I did get the weirdest thought the other day about cupcakes sounding good. But I didn't want them enough to make any or go buy any. And then I craved chocolate chip cookies on Sunday. I had the ingredients for a half batch so my lovely friend helped me make some. And they were delicious. But after a couple I was done. Since then it has just been normal me, eating mostly healthy and sneaking a treat here and there. I have noticed that I feel hungry but can only eat a little before I feel stuffed and just want to stop eating. That is different but probably just my body regulating how much I eat. I think I might have lost a pound or two since the transfer but I am not worried about it because the meds sure made me gain a lot.
I am not sure what else to write for now so I will just update as I feel like it. Or because someone bugs me to update. :)
Thursday, February 7, 2013
One week later...
The transfer happened one week ago, on 01-31-13. I had intended to post an update about the transfer while on bed rest but the wi-fi was pretty crappy and I kinda enjoyed just laying around and doing nothing.
The experience itself was amazing and went very well. I flew out to Cali that morning and met the IPs at the airport. The IM's mother also flew into town for the event so I got to meet her as well. She was exactly what I pictured and I enjoyed being able to spend time with her as well. It also made me think even more about how this whole experience affects so many more people. Here is a woman who probably thought she would be a grandmother one day. I think most of us (that have children) expect to grow old(er) and see grandbabies in the future. It is part of our culture to have that experience and I think many of us take for granted that it will just happen one day. And I can't speak for her, but I am sure that in her heart she still has that desire and wants to be a grandmother. So being there wasn't weird in anyway. To me, it made sense that she would want to be present for such a momentous occasion. After all, it's not everyday you get to meet the woman that will carry your daughter's baby (still makes me chuckle when I say it).
We grabbed some lunch on the way to the clinic and got to sit outside and enjoy our lunch next to the beach. I was ecstatic that we were actually outside! A much needed change from all the cold and snow and ice in Utah. I felt like I spent the whole time just staring at everything, trying to take it in. I also loved the feeling of the sun on my head and body. It felt very therapeutic and healing. I also enjoyed the food. It was a uber-nutricious wrap from one of those healthy deli places. It was nice to have something that tasted good and felt good going into my body. Utah has lots of fresh things during the summer months but it seems we live off of whatever is at the grocery store or shipped in during the winter, and even then it doesn't seem very fresh. I also enjoyed that we were "serenaded" by a seagull baby and two parents while eating. That fat baby just cheeped and cheeped and cheeped. It was cute at first but then got to be a bit much. We threw some scraps at the end to shut it up, but then one of the seagull parents started squaking. The next thing we knew, we were surrounded by all kinds of seagulls and birds. Like a ton of them. I thought it was great except I didn't want them to poop on my head. I had washed it that morning and wasn't allowed to wash it for two more days so there was no way I was laying on bed rest with seagull poo hair. And no, I don't think that is an herbal remedy for hair.
The proceedure went fairly quickly and was really easy. We checked in and only had to wait a few minutes. I had guzzled a bunch of water and really had to pee, but I just had to hold it and wait. They then took us back into a room where the embriologist came to talk to us. She was a very stereotypical Asian scientist lady. Just plain Jane with her big eyes and goggles that made her eyes look even bigger. She seemed very nice though but perhaps not the greatest social skills. She talked about the embryos and the two that the IPs had chosen to thaw. She said they had thawed them that morning and then they collapsed. And then she paused. I am not sure how everyone else was feeling but I felt my heart drop into my toes. I figured that collapsing was a bad thing and we were there with no embryos to move forward with. I remember looking at the IM and I think she felt the same way. And then the embriologist went on with how they came back and were doing fine. One was stronger than the other and they were giving the second one a few more minutes to get strongger. I know that I was greatly relieved to hear that everything was fine and we were continuing forward. I was so ready and I didn't want anything to get in the way of this happening. I wish the lady had been a bit better in her delivery of the information but I guess it kept us awake.
Next, I went into the lab room and got ready. I only had to take off the bottom clothes but still had to cover up with a gown, cap and foot covers. I had my fuzzy socks under my foot covers. I ended up having to use the bathroom so bad but they told me to go because I couldn't clench at all during the proceedure. Those shots were making me so constipated so it felt good to go (after a couple days). Then I had to lay back on the bed so they could check my bladder. It filled up quickly and then we were ready. The nurse also commented that my lining and uterus looked really good. I thought 'I know, they are awesome!', but I didn't say that out loud. Cause that would have been weird. Anyway, then the IPs and the IG (Intended Grandma) came in so they could observe. They had to turn off the lights cause the embryos are vulnerable to light and then the embriologist brought them in. I kind of expected they would bring them in on a little tray, like a waiter delivering a meal. Nope, they were in this gigantic case that looked very space-agey. She wheeled in this case and everyone got to look into the case and see the embryos. They said they looked like little bubbles. I didn't get to see because I was strapped (seriously, strapped) to the bed. I guess they don't want you to move or anything during the proceedure. They had also given me a valium so I would be relaxed and not clench up at all. Dr G finally came in last and started the proceedure. He did a practice run first and showed how it would go. They had a screen and ultrasound so the observers could see what was happening inside my uterus. It just looked like a little tube leading into my uterus and knocking up against the uterine lining. Pretty easy. Then they loaded the catheter with the embryos and did it again, this time leaving the embryos in my uterus. It looked like two little bubbles just sitting there. One was bigger than the other and on top of it. The IM thought it looked like a smiley face but it looked like a side-ways heart to me. I guess that's because I was side-ways. Dr G said it went really well and then he left.
Then I just laid around for a while and relaxed. I listened to a little music and then just talked with the family. They came in and drained my bladder at one point (with a catheter- those things are evil and hurt!!) and the rest was just chilling. After that they let me go potty (which was like a gallon) and then I had to hop in a wheel chair and head to the hotel for bed rest.
The rest of Thursday, all day Friday and most of Saturday was just bed rest. Laying in the bed, sleeping, watching TV, reading, playing on the cell phone, eating and then repeat over and over. It was great at first. I was tired and ready for some relaxation. But then it started to get really boring. My body felt like it wanted to get up and run a marathon or go for a swim but I made myself just sit there. I finally did get up and moved around a little on Saturday. I noticed I got tired real fast and had to keep sitting down and relaxing. It took hours to just wash my hair, pack my things and be ready to fly back home.
The IPS were fanstastic while I was on bed rest. They took great care of me and fed me the yummiest food. I was in heaven! I also got to talk to them and know them a little bit more. It was nice to learn more about their history and where they are coming from. It made me feel grateful that I can do this for them. They are probably the most deserving people I know.
Since getting home, it has been life back to normal. I don't get to lay around anymore and no one is bringing me any yummy foods. I am back to taking care of myself. And I don't like it. Just kidding. It felt weird to get back to normal at first. I kept waiting for people to notice that I did this. And then I realized they are not going to notice because they don't know and there is no billboard with flashy lights above my head that says I did it. Then it felt good to not tell anyone and just have my few friends know.
My first blood test for the beta count is on Monday. The IPs are waiting to find out the results from that. They said I could do a home pregnancy test for myself but I am scared to do one. Not scared it will be positive because I want it to be positive. But scared that there is that chance it could be negative. I keep saying prayers about how unfair that would be and sending positive vibes out to the universe that this is the right thing at the right time for this family. I sure hope someone is out there listening and makes it happen. So, I think I will be waiting until Monday as well. I also think the IPs should hear before me because they are their kid or kids.
BTW- some side things to be aware of. My son and I decided to nickname the embryos Squishie and P. Shirley (from Finding Nemo- go watch the movie for those names, you'll figure it out.) I picture that Squishie is a short boy and P. Shirley is a tall girl. And they love to swim, especially in the ocean.
Also, Dr G has a special chair for his big balls. That's a story for another day. ;)
The experience itself was amazing and went very well. I flew out to Cali that morning and met the IPs at the airport. The IM's mother also flew into town for the event so I got to meet her as well. She was exactly what I pictured and I enjoyed being able to spend time with her as well. It also made me think even more about how this whole experience affects so many more people. Here is a woman who probably thought she would be a grandmother one day. I think most of us (that have children) expect to grow old(er) and see grandbabies in the future. It is part of our culture to have that experience and I think many of us take for granted that it will just happen one day. And I can't speak for her, but I am sure that in her heart she still has that desire and wants to be a grandmother. So being there wasn't weird in anyway. To me, it made sense that she would want to be present for such a momentous occasion. After all, it's not everyday you get to meet the woman that will carry your daughter's baby (still makes me chuckle when I say it).
We grabbed some lunch on the way to the clinic and got to sit outside and enjoy our lunch next to the beach. I was ecstatic that we were actually outside! A much needed change from all the cold and snow and ice in Utah. I felt like I spent the whole time just staring at everything, trying to take it in. I also loved the feeling of the sun on my head and body. It felt very therapeutic and healing. I also enjoyed the food. It was a uber-nutricious wrap from one of those healthy deli places. It was nice to have something that tasted good and felt good going into my body. Utah has lots of fresh things during the summer months but it seems we live off of whatever is at the grocery store or shipped in during the winter, and even then it doesn't seem very fresh. I also enjoyed that we were "serenaded" by a seagull baby and two parents while eating. That fat baby just cheeped and cheeped and cheeped. It was cute at first but then got to be a bit much. We threw some scraps at the end to shut it up, but then one of the seagull parents started squaking. The next thing we knew, we were surrounded by all kinds of seagulls and birds. Like a ton of them. I thought it was great except I didn't want them to poop on my head. I had washed it that morning and wasn't allowed to wash it for two more days so there was no way I was laying on bed rest with seagull poo hair. And no, I don't think that is an herbal remedy for hair.
The proceedure went fairly quickly and was really easy. We checked in and only had to wait a few minutes. I had guzzled a bunch of water and really had to pee, but I just had to hold it and wait. They then took us back into a room where the embriologist came to talk to us. She was a very stereotypical Asian scientist lady. Just plain Jane with her big eyes and goggles that made her eyes look even bigger. She seemed very nice though but perhaps not the greatest social skills. She talked about the embryos and the two that the IPs had chosen to thaw. She said they had thawed them that morning and then they collapsed. And then she paused. I am not sure how everyone else was feeling but I felt my heart drop into my toes. I figured that collapsing was a bad thing and we were there with no embryos to move forward with. I remember looking at the IM and I think she felt the same way. And then the embriologist went on with how they came back and were doing fine. One was stronger than the other and they were giving the second one a few more minutes to get strongger. I know that I was greatly relieved to hear that everything was fine and we were continuing forward. I was so ready and I didn't want anything to get in the way of this happening. I wish the lady had been a bit better in her delivery of the information but I guess it kept us awake.
Next, I went into the lab room and got ready. I only had to take off the bottom clothes but still had to cover up with a gown, cap and foot covers. I had my fuzzy socks under my foot covers. I ended up having to use the bathroom so bad but they told me to go because I couldn't clench at all during the proceedure. Those shots were making me so constipated so it felt good to go (after a couple days). Then I had to lay back on the bed so they could check my bladder. It filled up quickly and then we were ready. The nurse also commented that my lining and uterus looked really good. I thought 'I know, they are awesome!', but I didn't say that out loud. Cause that would have been weird. Anyway, then the IPs and the IG (Intended Grandma) came in so they could observe. They had to turn off the lights cause the embryos are vulnerable to light and then the embriologist brought them in. I kind of expected they would bring them in on a little tray, like a waiter delivering a meal. Nope, they were in this gigantic case that looked very space-agey. She wheeled in this case and everyone got to look into the case and see the embryos. They said they looked like little bubbles. I didn't get to see because I was strapped (seriously, strapped) to the bed. I guess they don't want you to move or anything during the proceedure. They had also given me a valium so I would be relaxed and not clench up at all. Dr G finally came in last and started the proceedure. He did a practice run first and showed how it would go. They had a screen and ultrasound so the observers could see what was happening inside my uterus. It just looked like a little tube leading into my uterus and knocking up against the uterine lining. Pretty easy. Then they loaded the catheter with the embryos and did it again, this time leaving the embryos in my uterus. It looked like two little bubbles just sitting there. One was bigger than the other and on top of it. The IM thought it looked like a smiley face but it looked like a side-ways heart to me. I guess that's because I was side-ways. Dr G said it went really well and then he left.
Then I just laid around for a while and relaxed. I listened to a little music and then just talked with the family. They came in and drained my bladder at one point (with a catheter- those things are evil and hurt!!) and the rest was just chilling. After that they let me go potty (which was like a gallon) and then I had to hop in a wheel chair and head to the hotel for bed rest.
The rest of Thursday, all day Friday and most of Saturday was just bed rest. Laying in the bed, sleeping, watching TV, reading, playing on the cell phone, eating and then repeat over and over. It was great at first. I was tired and ready for some relaxation. But then it started to get really boring. My body felt like it wanted to get up and run a marathon or go for a swim but I made myself just sit there. I finally did get up and moved around a little on Saturday. I noticed I got tired real fast and had to keep sitting down and relaxing. It took hours to just wash my hair, pack my things and be ready to fly back home.
The IPS were fanstastic while I was on bed rest. They took great care of me and fed me the yummiest food. I was in heaven! I also got to talk to them and know them a little bit more. It was nice to learn more about their history and where they are coming from. It made me feel grateful that I can do this for them. They are probably the most deserving people I know.
Since getting home, it has been life back to normal. I don't get to lay around anymore and no one is bringing me any yummy foods. I am back to taking care of myself. And I don't like it. Just kidding. It felt weird to get back to normal at first. I kept waiting for people to notice that I did this. And then I realized they are not going to notice because they don't know and there is no billboard with flashy lights above my head that says I did it. Then it felt good to not tell anyone and just have my few friends know.
My first blood test for the beta count is on Monday. The IPs are waiting to find out the results from that. They said I could do a home pregnancy test for myself but I am scared to do one. Not scared it will be positive because I want it to be positive. But scared that there is that chance it could be negative. I keep saying prayers about how unfair that would be and sending positive vibes out to the universe that this is the right thing at the right time for this family. I sure hope someone is out there listening and makes it happen. So, I think I will be waiting until Monday as well. I also think the IPs should hear before me because they are their kid or kids.
BTW- some side things to be aware of. My son and I decided to nickname the embryos Squishie and P. Shirley (from Finding Nemo- go watch the movie for those names, you'll figure it out.) I picture that Squishie is a short boy and P. Shirley is a tall girl. And they love to swim, especially in the ocean.
Also, Dr G has a special chair for his big balls. That's a story for another day. ;)
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