So, I will admit that I totally could not wait for the blood test. I broke down and took a home pregnancy test on day 5. And it was negative. I didn't cry but I definitely panicked. I texted the surro director and she told me that it was way too soon to test. She told me to stop and wait for at least day 7. And she warned me that home pregnancy tests may be negative but the blood test could still be positive. I really appreciated her pep talk. I truly trust that she knows what she is talking about. She has been in the surro business for a long time. I threw that test away and decided to just wait.
And then day 7 came and it was killing me to not know. I thought about it all day long. And I thought about it, and thought about it. It was all I could think about all day. I had a couple friends text and ask if I had taken a test yet. I thought it was cute they were keeping track and knew it was day 7, and a HPT (home pregnancy test) was possible. But then I felt pressured. I decided I would just wait and be patient. And then I got home that night and couldn't stand it anymore. And I justified to myself that I had bought a 2-pack of tests and it was silly to not use the last one. I did some self-talk for a long time, convincing myself that I should take the test and know. That it would most likely be negative and that was okay. That the blood test would be the final answer. And then I finally took the test. I was so nervous that I almost dropped the testing strip in the toilet. But I didn't, thank goodness. And then I waited. I timed it and it took about a minute before the results showed up. Pregnant. I read the directions again and they said to wait the full three minutes. So I did. I don't know why but I kind of expected the test to change from pregnant to not pregnant. The three minutes were over and I just kept staring. And staring. And then it hit me. And I started bawling. Like tears streaming down the face and sobbing, bawling. It wasn't about being sad or scared or any of those negative emotions. It was all about that it had actually worked and it was actually happening. I was pregnant and going to provide a family with the kid or kids they wanted. I had to do some more self-talk to remind myself that this wasn't the final answer and I still needed to be patient. Then I thought about texting the IPs to hint that I took a test and they needed to know. But they had already told me they wanted to wait and I knew I needed to respect that. So I called my good friend Tara and told her. She cheered and was so excited with me. I didn't get to talk long but she encouraged me to keep thinking positive. I hung up and took the dog for a walk, just to get some fresh air and compose myself. I ended up walking around the neighborhood with tears streaming down my cheeks the whole way. I don't even know why. I kept thinking about how great and exciting this whole adventure was going to be. And I blame the pregnancy hormones.
I talked with the surro director and told her about the positive test. She also reassured me and said she had good feelings about it being for real and sticking. She asked me about the sensitivity of the test and I had no idea what she meant. She explained that every pregnancy test has a different sensitivity threshold and it is better to take one with less sensitivity so it is shows that I am really pregnant. I got to thinking about it and decided I needed to take another one, just for good measure. The next day I ended up in the pregnancy test section of the pharmacy, checking and reading every box. And by every box, I mean every box. I even thought about opening some of them up but knew they would frown on that so I got the one that the surro director recommended. And then I took it home and put it on the bathroom counter. I decided to wait for day 9 before I took it again. Just to make sure.
And on day 9 it was positive. And it was positive right away, like within 10 seconds. And it was a very dark line. I finally accepted at that point that we are pregnant. And it felt good.
My beta test was yesterday. I was super anxious for the results and got super impatient about it. I pretended to hyperventilate at one point just to try and get them to hurry with the results. The receptionist at the Cali clinic was so nice and agreed to rush the results once they came in and have someone call us right away. And then I called the Utah clinic and left a bitchy message so they would hurry and send the results.
The nurse called me a little after 2 my time with the results. My day 11 beta was 275. Higher than the 100 they were looking for and a very healthy number. She told me to continue on all the same meds for the next 4 and a half weeks. I also am scheduling the first ultrasound for next Friday. They are hoping the ultrasound will show us the heart beat and whether there are one or two in there. That will be day 1 of week 6. Then I will have another beta blood check the following week and an ultrasound on week 7 and 8. If that all goes well, then I can stop meds and it will be considered a "normal" pregnancy.
How do I feel? Ecstatic, excited, happy, peaceful. I feel amazing. It is truly hard to describe but imagine that you are doing something so amazing to help someone else and yet you feel you are the lucky one that is benefiting. That kind of describes it. Physically I feel pretty normal. I was really tired last week and just wanted to lay down all the time. I don't know if that is because I got used to bed rest or if my body was responding to the pregnancy process. I knew I was pregnancy by Wednesday because I got horrible heartburn. I haven't had heartburn since I was pregnant with Jared. I knew it had to mean something. This week I feel much better. I am not quite so tired but I still have occasional bouts of heartburn. But a little Tums and it is gone right away.
I haven't had any real cravings yet. I did get the weirdest thought the other day about cupcakes sounding good. But I didn't want them enough to make any or go buy any. And then I craved chocolate chip cookies on Sunday. I had the ingredients for a half batch so my lovely friend helped me make some. And they were delicious. But after a couple I was done. Since then it has just been normal me, eating mostly healthy and sneaking a treat here and there. I have noticed that I feel hungry but can only eat a little before I feel stuffed and just want to stop eating. That is different but probably just my body regulating how much I eat. I think I might have lost a pound or two since the transfer but I am not worried about it because the meds sure made me gain a lot.
I am not sure what else to write for now so I will just update as I feel like it. Or because someone bugs me to update. :)
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