I will be honest. I am not sure what to even think or feel at this point. I went for my second ultrasound on Monday. This appointment was at my OBs office. The appointment was originally set for last Friday but they called as I was getting to the clinic to reschedule because my doctor was taking a patient to surgery. I was irritated but also realized this is why I like this doctor so much. She treats all of her patients like they are her good friends. I decided to not be irritated about it and figured it would be better to wait until Monday because then they would have more time to cook.
I arrived for my appointment and all seemed well. I filled out a bunch of paperwork and they finally took me back into a room. The physician's assistant then came in and talked with me for a few minutes. Then she took me into another room (the ultrasound room) and told me to undress. All the way. And put on the paper gown. And then I had to wait for a long time. And it was cold.
My doctor finally came in and talked with me. I think she had forgotten that we met and talked last year about me wanting to do this. She is still excited to be a part of it and was excited to hear about the process and how it has gone. She finally did an external ultrasound and showed me that she could find two sacs. They both appeared to be about the same size this time but she couldn't see very well and had to switch to an internal ultrasound. It doesn't even phase me anymore because I am so used to them. She used the internal wand and had to move around for a while before she found them. She said the same thing the Utah fertility clinic had said before, about there being some shadow or something that was preventing her from getting a clear picture. And this machine seemed a lot better than the one at the fertility clinic. She finally found the two embrionic sacs. They measure the same size but are considered to be "lagging" because they only measure about 5 weeks 5 days each. She did more looking to see if either of them had a fetal pole or heartbeat but she couldn't find anything. She said that one of the sacs did have something in the corner but it was hard to tell.
I felt deflated. I was really hoping that there would have been at least one heartbeat and was frustrated that there wasn't. I was so focused on not getting to hear a heart beat that it took me a while to realize that she had talked about not seeing any fetal material inside either sac. Once I realized this, I was really confused. How could they be growing and now be the same size and have nothing inside them? And how could I have the symptoms of being pregnant if I really am not?? After the exam, my doctor talked with me about some options. She recommended the first course of action be to get my HCG levels tested again. She said my number by now should be well over 22,000 if the pregnancy is working. She also knew to test my progesterone and estrogen for the fertility clinic. She also suggested that I go to the radiology department for a super high powered ultrasound. My doctor's office is inside the hospital so I offered to wander down the hall in my paper gown. Unfortunately, the earliest available appointment was for Thursday at 9 am. So I was back to waiting. She also asked me to come back and re-do my blood test for an additional HCG. And then wait to talk with her about the final results. It was hard to get a read on her and whether she was hopeful that something could happen. She has a dry personality, kinda like Dr. G, and is hard to read. I agreed with her plan and headed back to work.
I ended up looking up some information on the internet because I just couldn't understand how I could have two embrionic sacs but have them be empty. Maybe the babies just went on a walk or a little vacation? I know that is not possible but there is something odd going on here. I did find information about lots of women that have had IVF and had empty sacs on ultrasounds until about week 8 or 9, and the embryos and heartbeats suddenly appear. I am hoping that is the case now.
My emotions were all over the place all day. I was happy, I was sad, I was confused, I was angry, I was content and accepting, back to confused and sad. I felt like I had gone through the stages of grief.
To add to all of this, I got a call from the fertility clinic Monday night. My HCG came back at over 25,000. Well over the 22,000 my doctor predicted. The nurse was just as confused as I was and said she wasn't sure what to think either. She told me to be hopeful and just wait for the ultrasound on Thursday to see what happens then.
I went back to the doctor today and did my follow-up blood test. I am curious to see what my HCG comes back as. And I am very anxious for the ultrasound tomorrow. They better be able to see one way or the other what will happen.
I will keep you posted.....
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